Delusion – [dəˈlo͞oZHən]
- an idiosyncratic belief or impression which is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument
- typically a symptom of mental disorder
- at times confused with another term – determination
- a most valuable asset
Those who come across this website might leave convinced I am truly out of my scope. At least that is the impression recently made given there appears to be more and more readers every passing week yet a fairly stagnant subscriber count remains. As an aside, do feel free to comment below how it is you ended up here, as I am very curious. I have debated closing off the comments for this reason, assuming I would simply invite more…iRacing Forum type vibes. That turned out not to be the case in the end, with the only harsh messages received having found their way into the private form responses from my “Contact” page – the most recent of which was a well familiar sort of inquiry..
“Why do you think you can do this? You’re delusional.”
– one of you lot, really living up to the toxic armchair quarterback stereotype
Maybe I am delusional? If so, I cannot readily admit that it has been a detriment. I simply always considered myself someone who is perpetually determined. Does one not sort of..have to be..to stay the course for so long and keep going?
On the other hand, what if I really am just a delusional person? Let us all few agree then, for the purposes of this post anyway, that I am indeed delusional and nothing more, but just happen to also have an inconsequential blogsite to slop incoherent word-vomit on.
Thinking as clearly as a potentially delusional individual can…is that really the worst thing?
Delusion, my lovelies, has its benefits.
If you have not figured this out yet, dear reader, obviously I am someone who believes I can accomplish my racing goals. Assuming this sentiment is based purely on delusion, what could possibly be a positive side-effect of such fallacy?
Is it possible, dear form responder, that you and I are fundamentally built differently? We are, and that does not simply indicate blissful ignorance on my part, though in my opinion blissful ignorance within this context is another wonderful blessing. Put simply this means while we both may see limitations, you seem to readily accept them and move along happily as a clam; I question the veracity of limits. After all, I am not the person placing them on myself. They seem quite arbitrary when you think of them in this manner.
Nearly all people wise to my efforts to go racing believe I am losing my mind, but the reality is I am someone who certainly acknowledges the existence of limitations. I just never accept them. Limitations are very broad, each of us is so different – simple logic indicates the correct behavior is to ignore them and keep moving forward with a “this does not apply” mentality. My natural reaction when someone indicates or identifies the plethora of reasons I am unable to do something is to immediately question those ideas and then write the inference off entirely. You few here now might well be thinking to yourselves that I am quite arrogant or maybe think too highly of myself. Again, you and I are simply built differently.
No one is more aware I am well below average at anything I attempt than me. I am unmistakably less capable than the average human being. It is however my duty to understand this intrinsic lack of capability is rather meaningless. This itself is a skill, one which I have many years experience sharpening. What most individuals refer to as delusion in this case is predicated on four fundamental truths..
1.) You cannot be a lazy f*cker.
2.) Dedication is what pays, anything else is a bonus.
3.) Those who tell you something is not possible likely have no f*cking idea anyway.
4.) Capability is a meaningless metric, because you can always be better.
This is one of very few instances it is referenced in this blog, but I did indeed miss out on one extremely important prerequisite amongst racing drivers thus far unspecified – a good father. While I very much hit the sh*t-lottery with mine, I was extremely lucky in some ways.
Firstly I had a prime example how not to live.
Secondly, as often the case with wayward sons, I had a violent voyage into adulthood. Luckily, I found Muay Thai just early enough in that journey and very fortunately a great kru took a chance on me and took me under his wing. He really showed me how to hone the raw ideas listed above into a cold, unwavering mindset. The mindset becomes a foundation; “why the f*ck can’t I?” The repose of every potential response to this question lies in the short list above.
As I have mentioned in a previous post, I am the beneficiary of at least some appreciable maturity. With more time and the blessing of incremental wisdom, the mindset briefly described above becomes a katana-like accessory in life as one takes on new challenges, mercilessly slicing way through the enemy known as routine in pursuit of the next adventure – and omnipresent accessory waiting readily as one never hesitates to AmPuTaTe iniquitous figures and their dispiriting ideas from his life. This weaponized mindset is like a beautiful self-cleansing function.
So I have brutally curated my surrounding environment, as there is truth to the idea that an individual becomes the average of those surrounding him.
I resolutely believe I am going to see the end of this because I am thoroughly desensitized by negativity and doubt, and my base level mindset self-cleanses my environment. My unwavering thoughts become actions. Those actions, those perpetual, arduous efforts…they just might add up to something.
That and this whole thing I am trying to do, going racing as a late entrant with no experience – oh, it has been done before.
……Sort of.
I will tell you all about it in the next few posts.
So to answer your question venerable passenger, as to my delusion: Sure, maybe. Though delusion is not my Achilles heel. It seems more like my most powerful weapon.
If you somehow are still here, it would be quite strange if you are not subscribed. Commitment is a virtue – step up – and be notified of Part two.